Let Me Fall
by Holiday Latte
Summary: SPAWN fic. Buffy is dead and Dawn is barely keeping it together. It seems that only one person can help...rated M for language and future sexual content
1. Quicksand

Let Me Fall

Chapter 1: Quicksand

A/N Buffy is dead, and the Scoobies have no plans at the moment to resurrect her. Dawn is feeling increasingly alone as she mourns the loss of her sister and it seems like everyone is ignoring her…everyone except Spike. SPAWN fiction. Rated M for later.

"Buffy!!" Dawn shot up in her bed covered in a thick sheen of sweat. Her dream this night was more vivid then the dreams before. It was always the same. Every time she was about to save Buffy, and then…she blinked a few times before her eyes finally adjusted to the darkness that consumed not only the room, but also her whole being. She brought her knees up to her chin and held herself tightly. It had been a three months and 2 days since Buffy had died and it had been so much harder than she could have possible imagined. Willow and Xander were extremely distant it seemed. Willow was so hard to talk too. Xander and Anya…Tara…everyone blamed Dawn. She knew it was true. Everyone blamed her for Buffy's death. Almost everyone. "Spike," she whispered into the shadowy room. Spike was sitting next to her in an instant. His arms were wrapped around her, cooling her hot skin. She nestled into the soft cotton of his t-shirt. Most nights she counted on Spike to be in her room. She was used to it and it made her feel safe. Tonight she had needed him. She always awoke from her dreams drenched in sweat, her temperature much higher than normal. Spike was more comfortable than a cold shower. Spike held her in his strong embrace, and would either talk to her or sing her back to sleep. He was her perfect companion in a world where she felt increasingly alone.

"Dawn," Spike whispered softly.

"Mmnm?" Dawn replied nestling deeper into his chest.

"Are you feeling better?" Dawn nodded. Spike knew that she was coming down from the intensity of her dream, but at the same time he knew that she was lying to him. Her tears may be silent, but he could feel the increasing wetness of her tears dampen his shirt. "You know nibblet," he whispered stroking her hair, "it will get better." He sobs were more audible now.

"You don't know that."

"Yes, I bloody well do. Vampire here…over 200 years old. Time heals all wounds."

"Maybe your wounds…but I _have _a soul and my pain is real." She immediately regretted her words. She felt him stiffen suddenly.

"Right. Well I'm off." Dawn wiped her eyes and called after him

"Spike, I'm…" But he was gone. Dawn turned into her pillow, but the whole bed was too hot for her now. She got up and walked to the bathroom. Maybe some cool water would help. She splashed some on her face and looked into the mirror. She couldn't believe who she was looking at. Her face was hollow and pale. Her eyes were dark and sunken. Her skin was blotchy from the tears. Frustrated with herself she turned around and walked out of the bathroom. She wandered aimlessly back to her bed for another night of unfruitful sleep.

In the morning, Dawn arose and got dressed.

"Hey Dawnie," Willow smiled.

"Regular or funny faces?" Tara asked, spatula in hand, referring to the pancakes that she was making.

"Regular." Dawn was in no mood for funny faces. Tara nodded and made the pancakes.

"Dawnie, Xander is going to be here in like five minutes to take you to school. So finish up." Dawn turned to Willow.

"Hey Wil, can we talk?"

"Oh sorry Dawn but I have class. Maybe later tonight?" Willow disappeared into the other room before Dawn could reply.

"Fine, whatever." Dawn took a couple of obligatory bites and then left for school. She and Xander did not talk much in the car. They never did anymore. "Thanks for the ride Xan," Dawn said as she got out of the car.

"Dawn,"

"Don't Xander." Dawn quickly left and headed into school. It was the same as usual. People avoided her like the plague. Those that didn't avoid her were just cruel and mean. She had almost made it through the day until some Jackass had to use her as his verbal punching bag.

"Hey whore." Dawn sighed.

"Seriously? Seriously, that's your comment? Really that's how you are going to hurt me?" The boy smirked.

"You didn't let me finish. Hey whore, where's you're sister? Give her my number if you see her, and uh well…I could show that corpse a damn good time." Dawn felt the tears coming to her eyes.

"Fuck you," she seethed. "Fuck everyone!" She screamed into the crowded hall. Locating the nearest exit, she stormed out of the school. She wandered around town until the sun descended. She needed to apologize to Spike, so she headed over to the cemetery. It had started to rain, and the wet drops mixed with her tears. Just as she reached the gate, she paused. Every now and then the pain was too much. The loss of her mother, and of Buffy…it was all too much. She felt her legs give way beneath her. She wanted to scream but the words and the emotions were caught in her throat. She beat the ground with her fists until they bled. The rain covered her like a wet blanket. It prevented her from standing.

"Dawn!" She heard a voice in the distance. The thunderstorm raged. She heard the voice again. Her name seemed to echo in the storm. All of a sudden she felt very weightless. She was being carried. She knew it was Spike because his steps were fast, yet graceful. He effortlessly carried her back to his crypt. He set her down on the stone coffin, and brought her a towel. Wrapping her tightly, he may have squeezed a little too hard.

"Ow!" She gasped. Their eyes met suddenly. He released his grip.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you."

"No it's okay," Dawn said, rubbing the towel through her hair. "Thank you Spike." He didn't reply. She could sense his anger. But it seemed different this time. "Spike, I'm sorry about last night. I'm," she put the towel down and walked over to him. "I'm so sorry for what I said," she whispered, her voice breaking. Spike turned away.

"I don't bloody care about that nonsense. I know I don't have a soul."

"Well then why did you leave if you weren't angry?"

"Well it sounded like you didn't want me there anymore." He said in a matter of fact.

"Well you were fucking wrong!" She cried.

"Was I?" He snarled.

"Yes! Yes you were wrong! I needed…Spike I need you! I don't have anyon," her voice faltered. Spike softened.

"I'm sorry, pet. It won't happen again okay?" He pulled her into his embrace and let her cry. "But you better bloody well promise not to go traipsing through graveyards in the middle of the night without protection all right?" Dawn nodded, burying herself deeper in to his arms. She looked up at him.

"You know, I was on my way to see you."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." Spike looked down at her bloody hands.

"What did this?" He asked softly.

"Nothing," she replied hastily pulling them behind her back. She heard him chuckle.

"Well we better get them cleaned up before my appetite is too much to bear." Dawn hesitated and then brought her hand up to his mouth for a lick.

"Dawn, I can't."

"Well maybe the chip won't hurt, if I offer it to you."

"No. It's not that. I just can't." He looked her straight in the eyes. "Chip or no chip, I would…could never hurt you." She could see that he meant it.

"I know that." She nudged her hand, but he shook his head.

"I don't think I could control myself." Dawn smiled.

"The chip will probably stop you from devouring me." She nudged her hand again. He took a soft and gentle lick across the palm of her hand. Shivers coursed down her spine. He took her other hand in his own and brought it to his mouth. He delicately cleaned her wounds with his tongue. She stepped closer to him, and pressed herself against him. She could feel the bulge in his pants. Innocently she asked,

"Is it the blood that makes you hard? Or…is it me?" Spike paused for a moment and then answered truthfully.

"It's _your _blood that is having this effect on me. It's how I realized you were near tonight. Summer's blood has a powerful aroma. I could sense you all the way from my crypt.

"Spike I know that it must be hard for you to be gentle towards me. I know that you…" Spike stopped her.

"It's not as hard as you think…being with you…being gentle with you." Dawn almost broke down again.

"I just...I need you so much. You are the only one who actually sees me." Spike soothed her the best he could. "I don't know how I made it through the day. When I thought that you were angry with me…I just feel like I'm sinking…like…"

"Like quicksand." Spike interjected. Dawn nodded and sighed.

TBC

Hey guys, thanks so much for reading. This is my first Buffy story in a really long time, so reviews would be amazing. I would really appreciate them. Thanks a lot!


	2. Devil's Thunder

Chapter 2: Devil's Thunder

The next morning, Dawn woke early. She looked over at Spike. He lay motionless on his back with his hands behind his head. Fully clothed in black; his alabaster skin was a stark contrast. Although it was morning, the only light from the outside world streamed in through thesmall cracks in the door. It was not enough light to stir Spike from his slumber, but it was enough to wake Dawn.

Dawn looked for her shoes, finding them near the television. The shoes were still damp from being outside in the rain from the previous night. They squished when she put them on. Hopping around on one foot, she tried to squeeze the right shoe on. This proved to be harder than she thought because the shoes were still wet and so were her socks. Eventually she gave up and slipped the socks off. She grumbled quietly. Her watch read 8:00. She was going to be late for school. Again. Something was strange. There was a feeling creeping around inside her brain. Something was off. Yet at the same time the feeling was that of calmness. She shook it off like she did the rain. Reaching for the doorknob, she pulled the heavy door open quietly. Then it hit her. Just as she saw the sun, she realized that she had slept through the night. She hadn't awoken drenched in sweat. She had no nightmares. This was the first morning since Buffy's death that she felt...

"Bloody hell! Gonna fry a man, you are!" Dawn spun around confused. "Close the door nibblet! I'm sizzling, aren't I!" Dawn slammed the door closed.

"Spike…" He noticed tears in Dawn's eyes.

"What's wrong?" He asked instantly concerned. His skin and his temper were starting to cool off. He walked over to her, trying to read her eyes.

"N…Nothing. I have to go. I have school. I have to go to school? I have to go to school," she said trying to convince herself that school was a necessity in life.

"Right you are little bit. You need a right proper education." He wasn't entirely convinced himself. Dawn nodded in agreement and left his crypt, taking care not to open the door too wide on her way out. The breeze was cool and crisp. Dawn couldn't believe it. She was finally moving on. She looked forward to sleeping in her own bed tonight. She looked forward. Dawn smiled deeply for the first time in months. She was finally getting over her sister's death. By the time she had reached school, first period was almost over. As she walked in the main entrance, she saw Xander and Willow leaving with very concerned faces. When they saw Dawn, their expressions only slightly changed.

"Dawn! Where have you been? Do you know?! Do you know what you've put us through?!" Willow yelled harshly. Dawn flinched at Willow's menacing tone.

"I'm sorr…"

"That doesn't cut it! You need to grow up!"

"Wil, calm down she's just a kid…" Xander said quietly trying to get Willow to lower her voice. Dawn burst.

"I am not a kid! I have never been a kid! All this shit has matured me twenty years! I'm 17 going on 47!" She turned to Willow. "Don't you yell at me! You never have time to talk to me. You don't have the energy to even hear what I've been going through! I have pain! And I have to keep it a fucking secret from all of you!" Dawn refused to wait for a reply. She turned around and ran out of the school.

Nobody talked to each other throughout the day. Everyone ate in silence. Willow left halfway through the meal muttering about a study group she had to go too. Tara was out, and Xander was left alone with Dawn.

"Just go. I'm going to bed." Xander tried to smile.

"What? Bed? Dawnie? It's only…" He looked at his watch and coughed. "Dawn it's only…"

"I'm tired okay?"

"Are you sure?" Dawn glared at him, and then brought her plate into the kitchen. She heard the door close as she turned on the tap to wash the dishes. After watching a couple hours of television, she decided to just go to bed. As she walked up the stairs she smiled in anticipation. She looked forward to a good night's sleep, such as the last. She took a quick shower, dried her hair, put on a shelf bra tank and a pair of terry cloth boy shorts. Climbing into bed was comfortable and soothing. Before long she drifted off into a deep sleep.

_Xander? What are you doing here? Why are the clouds purple? Xander? Where did you go? Are we playing a game? Dawn walked down the road. Spike! She ran over to Spike. Spike it's daytime. What? How? You aren't all flamey! Spike smiled and took her hand. Spike! Your hand…it's…it's warm. She turned her head so he could see her smile. Her hand felt cold. Spike and Xander were now three feet ahead of her. They motioned for her to follow. She ran after them, trying to reclaim her rightful position next to Spike. Spike? Xander where did Spike go? She turned around to look for him but he was too far back. Spike!! Xander grabbed her hand so she couldn't run back to him. He led her up a long staircase. Dawn's heart stopped. Xander…why have you brought me here? She started to panic. Fear crept up her throat. Xander? He was gone. Spike!? Anyone?? Buffy? Buffy smiled and extended her hand. Buffy! Dawn ran to her. Buffy! Buffy…NO! Buffy smiled sadly and turned around to jump. NO! Buffy! She shrieked loudly for Buffy to stop. _

"Buffy! Buffy!" Dawn screamed loudly. She thrashed violently in her bed. She sobbed uncontrollably, still lost inside the painful dream. "Oh God, please! No! No!" She jolted herself out of the dream and out of the sleep.

"Dawn?" Spike entered quickly through her window. He was at her side before she could answer. She barely noticed his presence.

"No! No." She pulled at her hair. "It was over! I…NO!" She let out a strangled sob. "This wasn't…NO! I…" Dawn quickly jumped off the bed and ran to the bathroom. Spike could hear her vomiting in the next room. He could hear her tears as she continued to weep in the bathroom.

"Where the hell is everyone?" Spike thought out loud. Shrugging off his jacket, he quickly froze, his nostrils flaring. "Dawn! STOP!" He ran to the bathroom. Grabbing the gauze from the cabinet, he quickly wrapped her hand. She had reopened the wounds on her hand. She shook on the cold tile. He grabbed a wash cloth and wiped her face and hands. She couldn't stop shaking. Spike picked her up and brought her into his lap. He held her tightly, so she would stop shaking. After a few seconds, she calmed down. She rested her head limply on his shoulder. After a few minutes he lifted her up and started to bring her back to her bed.

"No. I need to brush my teeth." Spike looked at her curiously as he set her down. "My mouth…tastes like vomit," she replied with a defeated smile. She somberly walked over to the sink and brushed her teeth. Not having any energy to will she sunk to the floor as she brushed her teeth. "I'm so tired Spike. I'm just…"

"I know you are pet." Tears threatened to burst forth again, but Dawn swallowed the pain, sending it to a very dark place in the pit of her stomach. Spike helped her up, and Dawn washed her mouth out. "Let's get you back to bed." He scooped her up with ease.

"I'm sorry." Spike stopped just short of the bed.

"Sorry for what?"

"Sorry that you have to take care of me. That I can't take care of myself…" Spike smiled sadly.

"Dawn, you'll get there. It's just going to take time." He wiped the tears out of her eyes and set her on the bed. He climbed in next to her and pulled her into his embrace. "Do you want to sleep?" He asked cautiously.

"No!" She squeaked, her eyes wide with fear.

"Okay, it's okay." They lay in silence for a while. Spike traced his finger along her hand. "And to think…I just cleaned these wounds the other night," he smirked. Dawn couldn't help but smile weakly. She reached to take the gauze off, but Spike stopped her, shaking his head. "No." Dawn protested,

"But Spike…you like it. It's already…"

"No!" Spike said with more ferocity. When he felt Dawn tense in his embrace, he sighed deeply and then lowered his voice. "I will not take advantage of you again." Dawn huffed.

"Maybe I want you to take advantage of me." She quickly ripped off the gauze and thrust her hand in his face. His face turned and before he could help himself, he was licking and suckling on her hand. Fierce chills spread through her body. Butterflies fluttered wildly in her stomach. Spike could hear her heart beating faster than ever.

"You like it when I taste you, don't you?" He stated in a low voice. Dawn nodded. Without thinking she hitched a leg around his waist, and ground herself into his pelvis.

"Feels like you like it too." Spike could feel himself growing rapidly. Her blood was intoxicating in many ways. "Just give into the moment," she whispered into his ear. She pulled her leg tighter around his waist. "Help me calm down," she whispered again. Spike chuckled.

"If we do what you want, calm is the last thing you'll feel."

"Anything is better than what I'm feeling right now." Spike looked at her intently.

"What's that, you're feeling?" Dawn turned her head away.

"Nothing. I feel nothing. I'm numb." Spike's erection hurt under the confines of his pants. He was running out of ideas as to why they shouldn't pursue this.

"Are you sure…you want this?" Dawn took her hand and brought it down under her shorts.

"Feel how wet I am. Now tell me that I don't want this," she growled. Spike took his hand out of her shorts, and unbuckled his own belt. Dawn stopped him. "I want too." She quickly unclasped his belt and undid his pants. Spike tore off Dawn's shirt, and quickly pulled her shorts down. She grasped his erection in her tiny hand. She smiled in the dark as this movement elicited a guttural moan from the vampire. Spike's rough hands groped her small breasts. They fit perfectly into his palms. Dawn's breath hitched sharply as it was caught in her throat. He moved one of his hands down her stomach. Again he moved his hand against her, but this time he moved it between her legs. He could feel the warm dampness emanating from the thin fabric of her panties. Dawn closed her eyes and involuntarily closed her thighs, squeezing his hand further into her.

"Relax love," he said in a soft raspy voice. Dawn, unable to speak, nodded her head slightly and relaxed her legs. Bringing his other hand down the side of her thigh, he hooked his fingers through the lacy straps of her panties, and with a firm tug, ripped them off. She let out another groan as he ran his hands up her naked breasts. Breathing heavily, Spike positioned himself between her thighs. "Are you okay?" He asked huskily, hoping that she hadn't changed her mind. Still unable to form words, she simply nodded frantically in anticipation. He spread her legs apart and entered. The first thrust was gentle, but still made her gasp. He knew this was her first time, and as he pulled out, he kissed her teary eyes. He moved his hands to her hips, and rested them there. Dawn closed her eyes and bit her lip, drawing a drop of blood. Spike pushed into her deeper this time and with more force as he sucked on her lip. Dawn wrapped her arms around his neck, holding on for dear life. Spike pulled back, and then firmly thrust, until he was completely in. Dawn cried out. Spike silenced her with a deep kiss. He continued to thrust back and forth. His thrusts were short but firm. He finally felt her relax as he pushed in. Wrapping her legs around Spike's hips, she encouraged his movements. Spike was rapidly increasing his speed as he felt his release building. He took a quick moment to brush a stray hair out of Dawn's face. Her smile sent Spike over the edge, and he started rocking back and forth into her faster. Suddenly she moaned loudly and her muscles clamped tightly around him, bringing them both to release. Spike collapsed on top of her, panting heavily. He turned on his side and wrapped one arm protectively around Dawn's waist, pulling her into his body. He brought his other arm underneath Dawn's head and around her chest. "How do you feel now?" Spike asked quietly.

"Loved."


End file.
